have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
