remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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