"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize