i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
