Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im holly from the hills drunk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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