Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
