Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
