dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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