so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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