i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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