Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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