i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
