Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
