I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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