Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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