Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
