I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
