I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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