What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
