Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
