its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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