He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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