I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
