I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
