yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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