connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
