I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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