i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize