the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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