Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
