I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
