My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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