She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
