I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
