kristin has been a bad kristin
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
