So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
