We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize