lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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