Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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