I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
