so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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