It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
