Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize