8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
