Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
