ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
