He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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