Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
