why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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