he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
