The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
