so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
