OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
