Soap is not a condiment
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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