PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
