I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
