so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
