I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
