its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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