sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
