Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
