this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
