From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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